is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
