remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
