I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
