Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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