How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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