Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize