well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
