oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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