Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
