im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
