new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
