I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize