nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
