Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
