She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
