Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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