Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
