Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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