Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can I color on your dick again?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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