dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
