it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?