Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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