having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.