for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"