Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
