Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
