you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
