I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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