Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
