my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
