I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
