God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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