I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
