I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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