i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
