dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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