Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
