so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
