They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
