u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
