i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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