Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
