cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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