yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
