Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
