how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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