He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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