Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
