Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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