So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
