Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
