hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
