oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
