she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
