dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
