i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
