is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
