just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize