Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My hand turned me down
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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