if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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