: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your cock deserves a montage
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
