i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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