I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
