when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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