i will never coherently bang her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
