I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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