i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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