Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
