Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I did not marry a roomba.
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