im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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