Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
