you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
